2019 has been a relatively good year for me. It started out really shaky and at some point, I lost hope with where the world was taking me. A few months in, the year started to look up, and I could afford a smile. I overcame some tough hurdles, I learned to love myself again, and I appreciated life once again. The last 3 months of 2019 were great for me, to say the least. I was in an amazing place mentally, I was happy, I had learned to let go of things that held me back, and I was free. I also realized that you can never be good enough for everyone. That people will always talk, judge and have opinions on your life, but that should not deter you from living your own life as you choose. You know, living your own truth.
It’s true when they say that no man is an island and that you can never get through this world alone. But it’s also true that you cannot hold on to people, situations, and places that bring you down instead of building you up. As the year came to a close, I realized that I had cut out persons and situations, subconsciously. This was a huge milestone for me for I had finally learned to live my own life; I was able to separate the wheat from the chaff and gained a new appreciation for the handful of people who were now stuck with me.
2020 has so far brought about its challenges, the main one is being broke, hehe and trying to get my footing in projects that I wish to pursue. But it has also come with so many highs that the challenges seem like a single speck of dust in a beautiful sand storm. It is slowly and surely shaping up and I know that this year will end on a high.
As I walk into this new year, I have nothing but great appreciation for the year that was; a tough year that continually molded me.
Just recently, while cruising the blogging world, I came across a blog that provoked my thinking on what this past year really meant for me! So it got me thinking and I just had to answer 10 questions that would bring me more insights into the year that was!
- How has your life changed or stayed the same in the last year?
My life has definitely changed in the past year. 2018 saw a different person, 2019 saw another different person and 2020 is certainly seeing another different but better person. 2018 was the year of pain and misery and losing hope. 2019 was the year of recovery and rediscovery.
2019 was absolutely very very eventful and full of drama, I mean, it’s me, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Hehe. The decision I made played a huge impact on my life to date. A smart decision I might add, just one; I chose me! I can’t wait to see what 2020 has in store for me.
- What are you most proud of?
As snoop dog famously said in his acceptance speech as he got his Hollywood star on the walk of fame, ‘I wanna thank ME!’ Hehe. For all the things, big and small, that I have been able to achieve. Things that most can’t see or touch, or acknowledge, but things I have struggled with, I thank me and pat myself on the back. This achievement makes me hella proud of me! Like super-duper proud!!
- What stressed you out the most?
A lot of things stressed me, as is the case with most humans. But relationships really stressed me this past year. Marriage, family, friends and even my relationship with God all gave me a tough time. But I learnt to maneuver through all albeit one; God and I. Maybe this year will see me get closer to God. I purpose it.
Having my own income also stressed me big time the past year. I set out on projects that would bring me more financial stability and through patience and even though small, I can proudly say I am not where I was.
Just like in 2020, I had only 2 resolutions in 2019; make money and overcome depression and anxiety. I am not there yet, but I have made huge strides in having my mental health in check.
- What are five words that describe the last year, and which five words do you want to describe 2020?
5 words that describe 2019
5 words I would want to describe 2020
- More growth
- What negative habits do you want to break this year?
Self-sabotage. I used to self-sabotage a lot during the past years which left me more miserable and more frustrated. I have learnt to take care of myself and my wellbeing, be a little selfish and offer myself support in all aspect of my life.
I wouldn’t say that caring too much for people who don’t care for me is a negative habit, but it’s something I learned to deal with in 2019. I realized I was focusing a lot of energy on people who really weren’t there for me. More like a one-sided relationship. But I have to admit that the cutting them out part was really heart wrenching, to say the least.
I am also trying to do much better with the food and drinks I consume daily. I have tried to cut out sugary stuff, eat healthier foods and drink more water. I have actually reduced my alcohol intake greatly and (who am I kidding, I just lied. I have done zilch in trying to cut out the sugary stuff. I am not about to either; I love my sweets and chocolates.) Ducks and hides
- Were there any opportunities you missed out on?
I undeniably missed out on some courses that would help me better myself both personally and professionally, but I strive to do a couple of them this year.
Any takers to hold me accountable?
- What did you start and not finish?
I say this with utmost pride and admiration for myself, I actually finished all the things I set out to do this year. I mostly leave things halfway and undone, but this year, I finished what I set out to do.
(Okay, but I have never finished school… dear Lord, help me!)
- What brought joy into your life this year?
A lot of things brought me joy this past year. The fact that I could actually get out of bed willingly brought me great joy. Hehe. (Only those who have been stuck in a rut will understand this). My new perspective on life brought me joy too.
But there are 2 humans I call my lovies that have brought me immense, immeasurable and unexpected joy this past year. They are the one thing that I can proudly say I haven’t fucked up; the one thing I got right. They look up to me with great admiration and the love I have for them cannot be described. My kids bring me joy, they hold my heart; JJ is my world, Imani is my light!!
- What are you most grateful for?
I am most grateful for my family. My husband, who accepts me for who I am and puts up with my bullshit and continually holds me down even when am in the thick of my craziness. My parents who showed me that they will always be there for me despite the fact that I am married, have kids and continue to grow old, I will always be their daughter. My siblings who have learned to deal with me and finally accept that they are stuck with me forever! Hehe And my few friends who stuck around, who don’t judge, and who are always ready to ride or die. Okay maybe not the die part.
But most importantly, I am most grateful to God who, despite my fallen ways, continues to give me life and a million chances that I absolutely don’t deserve.
- What’s the one thing you’d like others to remember about you when you’re no longer here?
When I finally take a bow from this wretched world, I would like you to remember me as an amazing mom to my kids. I want them to have great memories of me.
I want you to remember me as someone who found their purpose and followed her dreams.
I want you to remember Judy as happy and free, for I am in a continual pursuit to find happiness.