Things I wish I knew before becoming a mommy!!

Being pregnant and later giving birth looks great on paper, like super-duper great!  So great that when you see cute baby shower photos and chubby cute babies, you are tempted to want that for yourself. Your uterus starts singing and doing summersaults and before you know it, boom, you’re preggers. Then you are left wondering why your nose and feet look two times bigger than they usually are. And no matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to look good like the baby bump photo shoots you see online. You struggle with morning sickness, excess weight, constipation, being bloated 24/7, crazy cravings, and even go through some serious medical conditions that come with pregnancy.

You waddle around like a duck and can’t help but notice how you almost look like the hippo you saw on Nat geo. Your clothes no longer fit, your shoes look 5 sizes smaller and you haven’t seen your huuhaa for the last couple of months!! Pregnancy is truly beautiful. Soo beautiful that you might find yourself in that exact situation three, four or five times again in your lifetime. Blessed are they who don’t add weight, don’t experience morning sickness, glow from beginning to end, and give birth with next to zero labor. Lucky bit**es!!

Anywho, after ¾’s of a year, your due date arrives and you can’t wait to hold your bundle of joy. But the process of how your bundle will get to your arms is what worries you the most!! You donno if you have enough strength to push what looks like a small calf inside you. You also donno if you have the courage to heal the wound if fate, or you, decided to go under the knife. However you decide, some level of pain will be involved. So you go to the hospital and lucky you if you get a nice and polite nurse to help you through your 97 hours of labor.

You dance and sing and swear to God and your ancestors that you will never do that nonsense again and you now have to push your mzigo out. You poop and scream and cuss everyone and you even die for a few seconds then after what seems like an eternity, you give birth to your lovely baby.

Then when you think you can now relax and catch a snooze, you are quickly brought back to reality by the shrieking wails of your newborn. You try to breastfeed but your nipples are cracked and painful as sh*t and you start wondering if it’s too late to escape in the middle of the night and start a new life with a new identity in a new country. For some reason, your whole body aches even in places you never thought would ache! Your back feels like it dislocated and you keep yourself from screaming every time you bend. Also, your eyes can’t seem to keep open, you bleed heavily, and you feel like a visitor in your body.

Lucky for you if your child is a textbook baby and sleeps most of the time. Damned are you if your child has colic and cries non-stop and you contemplate going back to your mother’s house, alone! As time goes by, you might start getting baby blues. And bad demonic thoughts might cross your mind. You might even fall into post-partum depression and are now left wondering how to handle your body physically, emotionally, psychologically, and still take care of another human being.

Oooh.. I forgot the part where you have to go take a dump after giving birth. I choose to keep quiet because the memories are still rife. Heee… chest pains just by the thought of it.

You struggle with sleep, you are ever tired, and your body refuses to go back to its old glory. You still have to entertain guests and be happy when all you wanna do is lie down and sleep. Lucky are you if you have supportive humans around you who will hold your precious cargo while you try to catch a break from the whirlwind you’re in. Blessed are you if you are or did it alone, love and more strength to you.

Then as you heal and try to get your footing, you struggle with pressures from friends and family on how you should raise your child. You will die especially if you follow conversations on social media about motherhood and you start to seriously question your ability to be a mother. You often self-doubt yourself. It’s too much pressure being a mommy in this age. You try your best to keep afloat with being a modern mom and lucky are you if you keep afloat. Some of us drowned and gave up. Too much pressure, not for us.

You wonder what to feed, how to feed, when to feed… you get totally confused by what your mom, your neighbor who has 7 kids, and your doctor are telling you. But thanks to your motherly instincts, you are able to maneuver through those treacherous waters.

After some time, you’re now confident in your mothering abilities, and just when you think you are finally firmly balancing up that tight rope, you slide horribly when you now have to become a doctor and nurse and deal with childhood illnesses and diseases. You can even start your own pharmacy from the medicine stash you have collected.

But you find your way back up and before you know it, you are now a real and certified doctor, nurse, teacher, cook, pharmacist, driver, maid, electrician, a referee, a disciplinarian, and a fierce protector. But in the eyes of your little humans, you are a hero to them, their first love.

Eventually, you become this selfless creature you never thought you would be. You even shock yourself on how you love and care for them. And you realize that it’s all worth it at the end of the day. It turns out to be the best decision you ever made. You realize that it always turns out okay and there is no greater feeling than that. Nothing comes close.

Oooh, then a year down the line, you start seeing pictures of cute chubby kids online, agaaaain, and you start going awwww.., and then you do it all over again. 🙆‍♀️🙆‍♀️

Ps

You know you’re a mom when your instincts tell you to catch puke with your bare hands when your child is sick without feeling anything!
Treat yourself to some amazing fragrance from bath and body works and rock on!

Cheers to being a mommy!!

 

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