Tony was married to Lucy and they were in their 4th year of marriage. The first 2 years were bliss for the two and all was beautiful but Tony was never lucky in employment and always lost his job due to one reason or the other. In those two years, he wasn’t able to provide for Lucy and offer the good life he had promised. His small business ventures never held up and died as soon as they started.
Lucy was a happy go lucky girl who had her eyes on the good life. She was a hard worker and even got promoted several times during their marriage with Tony. But as life went on, she felt that she was bearing a huge financial burden for the family. She started doubting the capabilities of her husband and with time, she started to resent him.
Lucy became rude to Tony, calling him lazy and not worthy. She stopped helping him out and was rude and condescending. They never talked in the house, there was no longer joy and laughter as it usually was. They both couldn’t stand each other and even started fighting physically.
Their relationship deteriorated further and became bad for both of them; they would constantly put each other down, hurt each other’s feelings and even cheat openly. A few years later, they had given up on each other and their relationship had come to an end. It had turned toxic.
By definition, a toxic relationship is a relationship characterized by behaviors on the part of the toxic partner that are emotionally and, not infrequently, physically damaging to their partner. A toxic relationship is characterized by insecurity, self-centeredness, dominance and control.
It is important to know the signs of an unhealthy relationship. So what are the signs that you are in a toxic one?
You are no longer happy
When you find yourself unhappy, and nothing about the relationship brings you joy, chances are that you are in a toxic relationship. Any situation that doesn’t seem to change for the better and steals your joy is not worth sticking around for.
You are always ‘hunted’
Your partner always seems to wait for you to slip up so that they can attack. They are always happy to ‘hunt’ you and get pleasure by making you feel like the bad guy. When someone starts to treat you this way, they no longer value you as a partner and always wait to put you down.
You are constantly abused; both physically and emotionally
When you are in a relationship that you are constantly abused and harm brought to you, you are definitely in a toxic relationship. It is always advisable to walk away from such situations as they always affect the ‘victim’ not only physically and psychologically but also diminishes their worth as human beings.
Too much passive-aggressive behavior
When a partner seems to always deliberately avoids responsibility but want you to be responsible, refuses to state their concerns directly, are inefficient and unproductive, then they might harbor passive-aggressive behavior. This behavior is usually not noticed if the other partner is not keen as the behavior is plausibly deniable. If a partner intentionally leaves things undone, is intentionally late for an event important to you but is always early to those important to them, then you are in a toxic relationship.
Most passive aggressors are always silent when you need them to be vocal, do not compliment, sabotage you and insult you indirectly among a host of other passive aggressive behavior.
You are constantly lied to
People lie here and there while in relationships. But if you find yourself being constantly lied to even in not necessary situations, then your partner is toxic. When they constantly lie about where they are, what they are doing, who they are with, what their intentions are, then they are not worth sticking around for.
Nothing ever gets resolved
When you are in a relationship that you can never seem to come to a resolution and understanding, then is it worth it? A healthy relationship is where you are able to understand and resolve things amicably and in a healthy manner.
Zero effort is made to improve
If a partner does not make an effort to improve their thinking or behavior, then they are not serious with you and themselves to. Someone who thinks that they do not need any change to grow and be better is someone to keep away from.
They are always right
Everyone always wants to be right, but it is important to know when to take a chill pill and listen to your partner. This shows compromise and sacrifice. When you find yourself in a situation where your partner sees that their always right and do not want to think differently, then they are probably not worth it. These are classic signs of a narcissist.
They don’t value you or your opinion e.g. big decisions
When in a relationship, the opinions of both parties are important as they affect both of them. A person who does not value the opinion of their person is controlling and never fully values the feelings of the other. This is an unhealthy way to run a relationship.
You always avoid them, talking or speaking out
In the occurrence that you find yourself avoiding your partner, then the relationship might be coming to an end. In relationships, partners always want to be together; to talk, bond, spend time and do fun and healthy activities. When you start avoiding your partner, then the bond is broken.
All the compromise comes from you
In a toxic relationship, one partner is always marginalized. If one partner is always doing the compromise, the sacrifice, the work, the forgiving etc., they are certainly in a toxic relationship. It is not worth it.
Your weaknesses are always used against you
Partners are meant to love and appreciate you wholly. This means they should take you for who you are; strengths and weaknesses. A great partner will help you work on your weaknesses and build you up. A partner who uses your weaknesses against you is out to get you and pull you down. Steer clear from them.
A sense of ever being in competition
If you ever feel like you are always in a sense of competition with your partner, then chances are, you are in a toxic relationship. A healthy relationship is where both encourage, uplift and always want the best for one another. If you find yourself in a situation where your worth is measured by how much you bring in or who does what best, then it will drain you. A relationship is a team, not a competition.
Are you the toxic one?
Have you ticked most of the characteristics classified above? Yes? Then chances are, you are the toxic one in the relationship. Strive to do and be better for the sake of your partner. Always embrace change and know that every human has room for improvement. Do not let your pride and ego get in your way. Learn how to compromise and sacrifice and remember you don’t always have to be right. Do it for your sake and the sake of your loved one!