How to dump your boy/girl friend!!

Have you ever been dumped? Or are you the one who does all the dumping? I know of a friend who claims to have never ever been dumped. That she does all the dumping. I donno, maybe she doesn’t want to be seen as the looser in the relationship, who knows!

Either way, it’s no easy fete. It’s messy, chaotic and a wide range of emotions are usually felt. You experience hate, sadness and resentment, guilt, shame, name it!! That’s why its one of the hardest things to do.

Having this conversation can be difficult especially if done face to face. Luckily, and cause you know I gotcha, 😉, we now live in the internet age where one does not necessarily have to dump someone physically. Sii lazima muonane… hehe.

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A simple text message… I lie, its not simple, or maybe it is for some, can go a long way and save you the trouble of having to show up for the “occasion.” With a text, you can either decide to give a detailed message as to why you want to call it quits or just keep it short and sweet!

For example, “Hey, I feel this relationship is no longer working out, consider yourself single.”

Ouch! Chest pains ensue. Anyway, have you been thinking of how you want to bounce from your current relationship and donno how to go about it, here is a list of how you can dump your partner aka cupcake;  


Now, don’t get me wrong, I am a great advocate for openness and communication but if they are just being ‘too much’ for you, just ghost them. Cut off all communication and go mute. Nyamazaa… disappeaaar!! They will eventually get the message and move on. I guess…🤨

Ghosting is the ultimate king of dumping and also hurts like a mutha… Why? Because you went mute and didn’t offer any form of explanation especially if your partner thought things were great between you two. But I must admit this is a very harsh way of dumping your person.


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This is an extended version of ghosting. Here, you not only ghost them, you also block them from ever trying to get in touch with you. Nowadays, people can disappear and leave you wondering whether they existed. They will block you on calls and messages and on all social media platforms. Yani the just disappear into thin air never to be seen again.

This comes in handy when you do not want to be straight forward about your intentions of breaking up with someone. Labda ulikua tu ukule pesa yake ama ulikua tu uhit and run…who knows! So you would rather save yourself all the explaining and let your person figure it out while on the “block” side.    

Write a letter

This is a classic example of way of a break-up. Well, you don’t have to include a post office unless he/she is miles away, just put down your thoughts and feelings and hand it over to them. The message will have been passed loud and clear with the letter acting as ‘exhibit A’ of the breakup process.

Go ahead, write your soon to be ex a poem entitled, “why I am breaking up with you.” Hehe…

Go big

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With people always going above and beyond with every little thing nowadays, why wouldn’t you want to go big in your breakup? Come on, compose and sing them a song, bake a cake, call your friends, them included, for a break up party.

Speaking of cake, who doesn’t love cake! I would actually prefer someone to break up with me using a black forest or chocolate cake. At least this way, I am able to comfort my breaking heart.  

Take it up a notch…

Ever heard of don’t wash your dirty linen in public? Well, you can do the contrary and just go for it. I mean, we are all about the go big or go home typa life, right? Sii people get engaged in grand ways in public, tunabaki tukihate on the couple, then why not break up the same way?

Be a little dramatic and put up a billboard or hold up a placard for all, them included, to see. Heart acheeeee…  

Better yet, just be civil!

Photo by Vera Arsic on

Anyway, there’s no need of being too dramatic, okay, unless they really hurt you and did unforgivable things, then they probably deserve it. But what would it cost you to just be kind and actually have a conversation with them? Keep your ego aside, be calm and respectful, express your feelings and honor the time you shared. I mean, they are also human.

Just know that there’s no better way to do it, so just do it!! And for what its worth, being kind and polite is a show or maturity and growth.

Anyway, cheers! And all the best cause you most certainly need it!!

One thought on “How to dump your boy/girl friend!!

  1. 😅the go big is an interesting one. Ghosting can truly hurt though. With the ego, your mind will probably never calm till you get some closure. This is slow toture. Civil should be the best, just the two of you crying over it, breaking the emotional cords and agreeing mutually to move on.


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