How To Lose Weight Faaaast!

I struggle with my weight! One minute I’m outchea looking like a snack, the next I’m looking like a bloated pregnant hippo! I struggle sooo much that it gets to me but my mouth cannot allow me to shine coz I eat like a thief!

My greatest weakness is wheat and the sweet things! Aaaall the sweet things!

Photo by Vadim Lu on

I recently went through a dieting programme that was very easy. But it entailed 10 days of not eating wheat and sugar. Are you getting the drift here? No wheat! No sugar! I almost died!

By day 3 of trying to kill myself, I was going through major withdrawal symptoms that anyone who crossed my path felt my wrath!

I was irritable, had headaches and was shaking like a junkie in rehab. My moods were in the negatives and I didn’t wanna see or talk to anyone.

By now, you know I ended up cheating on the programme but I did lose some weight and a few inches! 1 kg to be precise!

You’d think that the lost kilo would be enough motivation to keep me going right? Wrooong! I backslid back to the gates of hell! Back to wheat and sugar!

Photo Credit

I do know how to lose weight. I know what I need to do and what I need to eat. I actually do! But my laziness and greed for food stands in the way of a Beyonce-ish body.

I do have the will, I just lack the motivation. I have the tools, weigh scales and tape measures, books and resources, skipping ropes and tummy trimmers, but I am too damn lazy use any of them.

That’s not to mean that I have not attempted, I have. I have! I started running. This is the one thing I actually stuck with for a while. But it slowly fizzled. I started doing Zumba and all that, but it ended as fast as it started. I was even gonna get into skipping rope, cycling, and swimming! Hehe…

Let’s not even talk about going to the gym!

By now you’ve caught on that I have zero experience in losing weight faaast as the topic implied, but I do know how to! That’s gotta count for something right?!

So I’ll list them for you!  In CAPS! Coz I’m screaming and want it to go through your head.

Photo Credit
  • EAT RIGHT- Avoid sugars and fatty foods and carbonated drinks. Reduce on your wheat and carbs intake too.
  • PORTION CONTROL- Wacheni kula kama wezi! Your plate should have a little carb, a sizeable amount of protein and loots of  veggies. BRUH, NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND!!
  • DRINK PLENTY OF WATER – Okay, not a looot coz you’ll get water poisoning, but you know what I mean. Drink plenty of water throughout the day to aid in digestion and is great for your skin too!
  • EXERCISE- Always exercise. If you are into going to the gym, that’s fire. Do it! But if you’re not, like me, ahem, at least do some walking, jogging, swimming etc. Do something you lazy bum!
  • EAT AT THE RIGHT TIME- Stop eating mountains of foods at night. How do you expect to feel when you eat a kilo of Ugali plus another kilo of meat and a spoonful of skuma at night and expect to sleep? How? Eat that in the morning because you need the energy to go about the day. And stop midnight snacking!

Anyway, those are the basics you need to know to lose weight. Will you implement them? I doubt!

So until then, lemmi just keep on going with this knowledge that I refuse to use. You and I both coz I know y’all the same! Outchea pretending to be doing good but y’all struggling like me!


Anyone know a cure for laziness and procrastination?

But guuuuys, I just remembered… sii mbinguni tutapewa mwili mpya?  

3 thoughts on “How To Lose Weight Faaaast!

  1. Hey, I could picture the no wheat and sugar strain 😏pole. Good points on how to lose weight. I struggle to eat right so i do my best to ration the portions, otherwise i have no restrictions on what to eat. (A well defined goal is halfway reached, the other part is -just begin.) I use this to deal with procrastination


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s